i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
