Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
