we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
