I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Randomize
