if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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