i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
