I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
