She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
