Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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