Ketchup is God's man juice
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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