his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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