You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
