Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
