Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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