It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
