if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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