I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
