Whats the glycemic index on semen?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Randomize
