Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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