he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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