If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
