i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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