just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
