Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
