would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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