After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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