trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
