Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
