she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
