When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
