I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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