ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
