Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
