remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
