SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
