im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
