Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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