Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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