Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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