I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
