found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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