There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
