Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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