Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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