Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
