NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I don't deserve a penis
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
