my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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