I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
