Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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