i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
