Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
