Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
