I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
He told me they were just razor bumps!
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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