So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Im part way to drunk.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
