Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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