i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I think your dad took our porno
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
