Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
